Chapter the Second - Do you want to be on top?

Every Wednesday I gather with a few friends for some food, some wine and great heaping helpings of sarcasm. The object of all this caustic, booze fueled wit is a little show I like to call, "America's Next Top Model" (drink!). So, yeah - it's reality TV about some crazy bitches all vying for the approval of Ms. Tyra Banks and her entourage of fey, sycophantic couture toadies. The show itself is everything you would expect - lots of screaming, lots of mean girl martial arts, LOTS of Tyra talking about how awesome she is, some dresses. The models themselves are all about high school senior age, not that bright and, as is required by the laws of nature and TV, batshit loony. We gather around, fortify ourselves with red wine and mercilessly mock, judge, critique, and generally rip the show apart. It's sort of like MST3K, but instead of Tor Johnson and "The Deadly Mantis", it's 17 Magazine's Ann Shoket (beautiful and deadly, one day I will face Ann Shoket in the arena on Battleworld, and on that day, not even my love will save her!) and a fashion show at the Secaucus Wal*Mart. Good times.

Originally, there was no food involved in this endeavor. It was purely a drinking game, the players required to drink whenever anyone said "America's Next Top Model" (drink!). This was all well and good until it came time for everyone to stagger to their cars and wend their way homeward. Not kosher. Now, some people might say the answer to this dilemma would be to drink less. To these people I shout something unintelligible before vomiting on their shoes and passing out. Drink less? Are you mad? Do you seriously expect a group of intelligent people to deal with reality TV sober? Of course not. We're not Shi'ites for crap's sake. No, the answer was, of course, to add another level of indulgence to the event. So, now, in addition to the Wagnerian quantities of wine, there is also a food theme.

Long story short, last night it was Mexican food, I made Black Bean Soup and some models did some stuff. The soup turned out great, very rich and stick to your ribs, due to the chorizo. It had a good heat, but not overpowering, I would pair it with a cold beer and at least a dozen of your snarkiest friends

Black Bean and Chorizo Soup

• 12 oz. chorizo - OK, so I got the straight from May-hee-ko (i.e. cheap) chorizo at Safeway which comes in a plastic tube and is the consistency of brownie batter. For this soup, you can really use any kind of smokey sausage, (kielbasa, linguica, andouille, etc.), either loose of cut into rounds.
  
• 1/2 white onion chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 rib of celery, chopped
• 1 carrot chopped
  
• 2 bell peppers - Red, Orange or yellow for interesting color and sweetness
• 1 jalapeno, chopped, if you want it hot, keep the seeds. If you don't get rid of the seeds. Regardless, after dealing with the seeds, WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS BEOFRE DOING ANYTHING ELSE. Ser'sly, y'all. I have a funny story that I sometimes tell involving a pepper that ends with the hero dangling his junk in a glass of milk.
• 2 tablespoons ground cumin
  
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• A pinch of ground chili powder - I like ancho for the smokey quality
  
• 3 cans of black beans
• 3 cups chicken stock

Garnishes

• Cotija - This is the Mexican equivalent of feta. It's salty and crumbly
• Lime, sliced
  
• Cilantro, chopped
• Sour cream
• Tortilla chips
  
• Hot sauce - For this, I like Tabasco over my usual favorite, Tapatillo. I like vinegary-ness of the Tabasco sauce

1. Heat a large soup pot or dutch oven on medium to medium high (depending on your stove). Add your sausage (either lose or in rounds or cubes or whatever). Render out some of the (delicious) fat and brown it well. No burning! Next, add the garlic and onion and sweat them for about five minutes. Add the bell celery, carrot, bell peppers and jalapeno. Give it all a good stir and let it cook for about five more minutes.
   
2. Toss in your cumin, chili powder and oregano. Give it a stir to combine. Add the black beans. Do not drain them, just empty the whole can right in the pot. Next, add the chicken stock. Bring it to a boil, stirring to scrape up any scrummy crusty bits off the bottom of the pot. Simmer for at least 15 minutes.
   
3. Using either a hand blender or a potato masher, puree or mash about 2/3rds of the soup. You want it to be smooth, mostly, but still with some whole beans and maybe some veggies. This is really up to you, make it as smooth/chunky as you want. Ladle into bowls, garnish as you see fit, accept your praise.

Photo by Q